Last updated on November 27, 2022
“This isn’t woo woo, I promise,” my therapist reassured me. “Write a list of all the things you want in your ideal partner.” He then explained what’s really happening when people believe they are manifesting things in the Universe:
Have you ever had the experience of learning a new word, and then heard it multiple times that week? Odds are, your ears heard that word numerous times before in your life. But once your brain knew the word existed, it began to recognize it. The same method applies to dating.
Once your brain knows what to look for, it will pattern match to what you’re seeking.
For my “homework” assignment between sessions, I wrote down what I wanted without limiting or judging myself. Here are some on the items on my original list:
- Has been in therapy and is able to identify and talk about emotions.
- Values family and wants to have kids.
- Is creative, but also emotionally and financially stable.
- Likes to travel and experience new things.
- Wants to go or has already gone to Burning Man.
During our next session, my counselor asked me to circle the three most important, non-negotiable traits. It was improbable someone was going to have everything on my multiple pages of desired characteristics, but three core values should be able to be found in one person.
The crazy thing is how fast it worked. Within two weeks, I met my now-husband and immediately recognized him for what he was: an ideal partner. Not perfect, mind you, but matching the core things I desired.
I was talking to a friend recently who was frustrated about not being able to find anyone he wanted to date. “Make a list of what you want,” I suggested.
“This is so crazy,” he replied. “You’re the third person who has suggested that to me this week.” Sounds like a pattern already…